This all came back to me last week, as I was sick for the entirety of it. It started Monday with a stomach flu. Ugh.  I handled the first day well, but the second one was harder, if only because I was stuck indoors with no other human contact. That’s when I get irritable, and I’m no happy girl! Then I learned I had tonsillitis. Yes, you can get tonsillitis when you have no tonsils! In a nutshell, I felt horrible.

But while I was sitting pretty in my pity-sarcasm, people-I prayed to the Lord that he would bless me with something He knew I needed.  And as always, he did.  My sweet mother sent my brother over with some food and sent texts each morning to see how I was doing.  Many friends sent texts and messages of well wishes, asking me what they could do.  My niece gave me a big hug even though I was “a sicky”. All these little happenings brought to the forefront of my memory a time last year when I was really-and I mean realllllly!!!-sick, and the amazing lesson of love and worth it taught me. 

One Sunday last July my head started to hurt severely, the worst I've ever had in my life-and for those of you who know my headaches, that's really saying something!!! I went to bed with my whole body hurting: muscles, joints, everything.  My body had never hurt that bad.  I went to work Monday morning souped up on Excedrin and Tylenol but only made it to 12:30 before I knew I had to go home. Even I could not push myself that far. From then on, my body fell apart. The aches worsened; I got a fever, chills and shakes and nausea; and that headache, oh that headache! My head screamed in agony if I moved it even a fraction of an inch. Just sitting still hurt like insanity; I could hardly eat or move, let alone get up and walk. 

My Doc and I suspected Meningitis and on Wednesday he told me to go to the Emergency Room because I was getting worse and the blood test they took for Meningitis would take at least 48 hours to run. That day was my birthday. The ER is where I got to spend it, oh joy! I was in there seven hours, got hooked up to fluids, morphine, zofran, had a chest x-ray, CT scan and a spinal tap. Yikes! you say? It was actually amazingly painless, which was a little birthday present from the Lord!

All the tests came back negative but my liver function was really off. Liver enzyme levels are normally around 50. Mine levels were about 400. Talk about toxicity! Because nothing serious was found, they took some more blood to check for things like CMV and West Nile Virus and sent me home.
I was a physical wreck, and my spirit took a dive too. Being sick plummeted me dangerously low. I was unable to work for a week but when I went back I felt useless because my head hurt so badly I could hardly keep my eyes open, let alone play on the floor with my kiddos. I slipped into what I call the "Pit of Despair", which I frequently visit during times like this. I questioned the Lord as to why this was happening and felt like it was because I was a bad, worthless person, and that I wasn't living my life right. But the Lord sent me some divine signatures to prove me wrong. Through this whole ordeal I had a bounty of love and care shown to me by the people in my life. I was shown as plain as can be that I am loved and of great worth.

My mom and dad were my strength through all of this. I received three blessings from my father and felt his great love for me.  My mom was my Florence Nightingale. Both of my parents were there for me at all hours of the day or night.  Several nights were filled with several trips from their room to where I was sleeping to answer the shrieks of pain I could not control nor stop, get my medicine, take my temperature, and kneel by my bedside as I tried to sleep.  It was hard to see the look of worry and concern on their faces because I didn't want to cause them grief or pain. But those looks of concern precisely showed me how much they loved and cared for me.
During my trip to the ER I kept my facebook page updated on all the happenings and it was quickly inundated with messages from family and friends who let me know they were thinking of and praying for me. Over the next week many little blessings occurred.  My friend and ward relief society president brought me flowers and a card out of the blue. I had no idea that she even knew I was sick!  I received more visits from grandparents, family and friends who wanted to see how I was doing.  When I got back to work everyone was excited to see me and I received gifts, hugs and lots of love. I won't try to write here all the gifts I received.
The response was simply overwhelming, and you know, with all I was going through at that time in my life, not just this particular sickness, it's just what I needed. In all honesty, I was grateful I got sick if only because I was able to see evidence of how much I do mean to the Lord and to others, how much I am worth. No, I am not saying that one's worth is based upon other people's feelings for us. Our true worth comes from God, but he sends angels in the form of other people on this earth to help us see that we are of worth to Him and to them. A week after this ordeal began I wrote in my journal about this and thought, Maybe that's the real reason for this trial.  No matter if that is the case or not, I need to remember how much this experience showed me that I am loved and that I am of much worth.
Our trials serve specific purposes, which sometimes are impossible for us to discern right at that gut-wrenching moment. People may say, Hindsight is 20/20, no?  But those of us with the truth know that it is really the eternal perspective that allows us to, "see beyond this veil of tears to the other side of sorrow." Our worth is great in the sight of God.  I don't just believe that, I know it to be true.


Do you? Please share your stories or experiences here!